I've been meaning to post on here for a while, but it's been hard to find the time. I still think about Ada a lot these days, and I realize that I am still grieving for her. My life is generally happy, yes, and Eleanor is absolutely wonderful, but there are times when I still think of my sweet Ada and I miss her so much. She was conceived 2 years ago this week.
A friend of mine just lost her 4th pregnancy. She and her husband have a 50/50 chance of conceiving a healthy child for genetic reasons, and they are 0 for 4 so far. Three of those pregnancies ended in a miscarriage, but the third one made it to 23 weeks. I just cannot imagine what she is going through. I can't imagine facing the decision: do we try again and risk even more heartbreak for the possibility of having a healthy baby? (Yes, in vitro is an option, but it's around $20,000 and there are no guarantees.) Last night I listened to my friend for a long time. I didn't tell her what to do, or that everything is going to be okay. I just listened, because I remember that that's what I needed most after Ada died. Ada's little life taught me how to be a more thoughtful person.
I was reminded of that again today. My sister called me to tell me the horrible news that one of her friends lost her 8-year-old daughter in an accident last night. Her family was on their way home from an Ash Wednesday service and she was in the car with her 3 older siblings and their dad when they hit a deer. The deer came through the windshield and hit and killed her, but the rest of the family is fine. The mom was still at the church at a meeting - she is the pastor.
How on earth do you cope with this kind of pain? I sent them a sympathy card basically to say, "I am sad with you." That's what people really want to hear when they're grieving. Yet another lesson I learned from Ada's life.
I miss Ada and sometimes when I'm playing with my sweet, smiley Eleanor I wonder what Ada would have been like as a 6-month-old. (After all, how can I not be constantly reminded of her when I'm STILL getting things in the mail for my toddler between the ages of 12 months and 3 years??) But then things like this happen, and I realize that at least some good has come out of Ada's death. It taught me to be a better person. She continues to teach me every day, and I'm thankful to my sweet firstborn baby girl for that.
5 comments:
How awful for your friends! :(
I feel as you most days! Especially the part where you mentioned how sometimes you look at Eleanor, and wonder what Ada would be doing around this time.
I still say it's one of the hardest things to go through, next to losing your child - having to go through the emotions of being happy for your rainbow baby, but still grieving your angel.
Oh my goodness. That accident happened not that far from me. I heard about it on television tonight. We lost a dear four year old friend of Tessa's last week, and I have reached out to his mom and let her know that I'm here to listen if she needs it. Jenna did that for me, just as Ada did for you.
Oh, and it has just broken my heart to hear about so many little ones losing their lives. I'll be thinking of your friends, too.
Wow. That is a lot of heartbreak, and it sounds like you KNOW just what to say, or better yet, what NOT to say. I am still learning and changing into the person that Gregory has made me, and I would agree that many changes for myself have been for the better. I would also agree that the grieving continues, even through the daily smiles. Hugs to you and your babies.
You are so right, Beth. It's sad, but true. For the most part, I believe I am better person because of Ella. I know I will be a better mother and have learned to take nothing for granted.
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