Rubella

After I delivered Eleanor, three different nurses came in my room and said, "Did you know you're non-rubella immune?!" The first time I was confused and needed an explanation, and then the other two times just started to make me nervous. So, even though I got all my vaccines as a kid, apparently I lost my immunity somewhere along the way. Sometimes that just happens.

I need to get the vaccine, but I still haven't figured out if it's okay while nursing. The pediatrician said I should just wait since I'm not traveling or anything in the near future, but I also want to ask my lactation consultant and my OB. I trust the LC more than anyone. I want to get it sooner rather than later because you should not get pregnant for 3 months after getting the vaccine. And no, I have NO plans to get pregnant anytime soon (!), but you really never know what may happen. I have friends who have had just about every type of birth control fail on them, and I don't want to risk getting pregnant before getting the shot. Keep reading to see why.

I did a little bit of reading about rubella, and I'm intrigued now. "Rubella infection in adults is often mild, self-limiting and often asymptomatic." So, you possibly don't even know you have it? And, "Many mothers who contract rubella during the first critical trimester either have a miscarriage or a stillborn baby." Umm...when did I lose my immunity? Would this have shown up in Ada's autopsy? Did they check me for this when I got pregnant with Ada or in the hospital after she died? I'm definitely going to ask about this at my 6 week checkup next week. If the mother gets rubella during the pregnancy and the baby does survive, s/he can be blind, deaf, have severe heart disorders, and a whole bunch of other major life threatening organ disorders. I do NOT want to risk that! So now I'm just trying to figure out when to get this vaccine and I'm wondering if rubella had anything to do with Ada's death...

Hip dysplasia

On Monday I took Eleanor to the pediatrician for her one month checkup, and the doctor heard a "click" in her hip. As I have learned since then, that's a sign that Eleanor might have hip dysplasia. It's the most common congenital defect, and the possible long term effects (if it goes untreated) are walking with a limp, hip pain, and early hip arthritis. If it's caught very early in infants it can be fixed simply by having the baby wear a harness - if it was caught later you'd have to do surgery to fix it. Eleanor is having an ultrasound on Friday to check for it (x-rays apparently don't work on babies this young), but I'm not too worried. First of all, it's definitely possible that she doesn't have it. But if she does, I'm just thankful that we caught it early. We'll just see what happens.

A few things stood out to me as I read about the condition though. First of all, this condition is most common in first born girls. Is Eleanor a "first born girl"? Not in my opinion, but she was the first full size baby I gave birth to. Also, about one half of one percent of babies have this condition. About one half of one percent of pregnancies end in stillbirth. Why do these statistics not seem to work in my favor?

One month

I know this is Ada's blog, but I wanted to share my new pictures of her little sister for those of you who are interested. My sister-in-law did this photo shoot for us yesterday, and I love these pictures! Eleanor is one month old today!

What I was missing

Today I took Eleanor up to her nursery for the first time. I know that sounds crazy, but our bedroom is downstairs and hers is upstairs so she's been sleeping in a cradle near us. I've been trying to "take it easy" as everybody tells me to do, so I haven't gone up and down the stairs if I can avoid it.

Well, today I decided to show her the nursery. I turned on one of the lullaby CD's she got, sat down in the glider, and rocked my sweet baby. As I did, I looked around the room. It is perfect! I love the way it looks. Eleanor and I had one of the best moments yet as she snuggled into my neck and fell asleep as I rocked her.

Without warning, the tears started flowing and flowing.

I'm not sure exactly what did it. Maybe it was looking at the nursery that was originally planned for Ada. We had all of the furniture that's in there before she died, and some of the decorative stuff. We had just bought the crib and glider maybe a week or two before we found out she was gone. Of course, when we bought that stuff we planned for it to be for her little brothers and sisters too, but we just had no idea that she wouldn't get to use them herself.

Maybe it was the music. The song playing was "Somewhere Out There." I'm sure most people know the lyrics, but just in case:

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Or maybe I got sad because I realized just how much I love Eleanor. She is the sweetest, most precious baby. She's really an easy baby too. I think I suddenly realized how much I had missed by never getting to experience all of this with Ada. I wish I could have snuggled with her, too.

Here's how Hunter found us when he came home from work yesterday. Not the most flattering picture, but sweet...

I love my niece

My niece Julie turned 3 in March. Last summer when I was in labor with Ada she and my sister-in-law came to see me at the hospital. Julie was very somber and quiet, and she understood that Hunter and I were "very sad." She gave us both a hug and never said much. After that she mentioned to me several times that she came to see me at the hospital, but we didn't really talk about it after a month or two.

A year passes.

When Eleanor was born this summer, my brother and his whole family came to see me at the hospital. Both Julie and her little brother Evan were very excited, and Julie even got to hold her little cousin.

In the hospital

Two weeks later

So, imagine my surprise yesterday when Julie was at my house and we had this conversation. Remember, she was only a little bit over two years old when Ada was born.

(totally out of the blue) Julie: Remember when we came to the hospital to see baby Ada?
(Hunter and I look at each other)
Me: Do you mean when you came to see baby Eleanor or baby Ada?
Julie: (suddenly very serious) Baby Ada
Me: Yes, I remember that. Do you remember that we were very sad?
Julie: Yes.
Me: Do you remember when you came to see baby Eleanor in the hospital?
Julie: Yes. We came to see baby Eleanor.

This may not seem like much of a conversation, but it meant a lot to me. First of all, I can't believe she even remembers one year ago since she's only 3 in the first place. But also, it's so nice that she remembers her cousin and isn't afraid to bring up Ada's life like a lot of people are. Ada and Eleanor are lucky to have such great cousins.

I feel like I should add that I think my sister-in-law has a lot to do with the fact that Julie is such a sweet, sensitive little girl. Monica is one of the other few people who will talk with me anytime about Ada. Like mother, like daughter I guess. Thank you, Monica. :)