What I was missing

Today I took Eleanor up to her nursery for the first time. I know that sounds crazy, but our bedroom is downstairs and hers is upstairs so she's been sleeping in a cradle near us. I've been trying to "take it easy" as everybody tells me to do, so I haven't gone up and down the stairs if I can avoid it.

Well, today I decided to show her the nursery. I turned on one of the lullaby CD's she got, sat down in the glider, and rocked my sweet baby. As I did, I looked around the room. It is perfect! I love the way it looks. Eleanor and I had one of the best moments yet as she snuggled into my neck and fell asleep as I rocked her.

Without warning, the tears started flowing and flowing.

I'm not sure exactly what did it. Maybe it was looking at the nursery that was originally planned for Ada. We had all of the furniture that's in there before she died, and some of the decorative stuff. We had just bought the crib and glider maybe a week or two before we found out she was gone. Of course, when we bought that stuff we planned for it to be for her little brothers and sisters too, but we just had no idea that she wouldn't get to use them herself.

Maybe it was the music. The song playing was "Somewhere Out There." I'm sure most people know the lyrics, but just in case:

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight

Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there

And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

Or maybe I got sad because I realized just how much I love Eleanor. She is the sweetest, most precious baby. She's really an easy baby too. I think I suddenly realized how much I had missed by never getting to experience all of this with Ada. I wish I could have snuggled with her, too.

Here's how Hunter found us when he came home from work yesterday. Not the most flattering picture, but sweet...