I have this outfit for Ada that my mom gave us about a week after we found out she was a girl. I had some other clothes for her, but for some reason this outfit was just always very special to me. I think maybe it's because it's so snuggly and soft, and Ada was due on November 5 so it would have been perfect for those cool days. (Yes, we do get a few of those in Florida!) There have been many times since her death that I have held this outfit close and imagined what it would be like to hold her in it.
At this point Eleanor has worn all of the other clothes that I had for Ada, but she has not worn this outfit because it hasn't been cool enough. This weekend, however, we are going to visit family in South Carolina, and it probably will be cool enough to wear it. Last night I got it out and asked Hunter what he thought we should do. After all, it would probably fit Eleanor perfectly right now. We decided to keep this outfit for Ada though. It will always be hers and nobody else's.
This was the first time in a while that we have sat together and talked and cried a little bit about Ada. I realized that for the first time since March 5, 2008 (the day of my pregnancy test), I have had days go by when I didn't think about her. I hate that and it makes me feel guilty - what kind of mother can have days pass when she doesn't even think about one of her children? Yet, I realize that this is natural and it's probably healthy. Just because I don't think of Ada as often as I used to or cry as many tears as I once did doesn't mean she is not still every bit as important to me. I still love you and miss you, my sweet Ada.
At this point Eleanor has worn all of the other clothes that I had for Ada, but she has not worn this outfit because it hasn't been cool enough. This weekend, however, we are going to visit family in South Carolina, and it probably will be cool enough to wear it. Last night I got it out and asked Hunter what he thought we should do. After all, it would probably fit Eleanor perfectly right now. We decided to keep this outfit for Ada though. It will always be hers and nobody else's.
This was the first time in a while that we have sat together and talked and cried a little bit about Ada. I realized that for the first time since March 5, 2008 (the day of my pregnancy test), I have had days go by when I didn't think about her. I hate that and it makes me feel guilty - what kind of mother can have days pass when she doesn't even think about one of her children? Yet, I realize that this is natural and it's probably healthy. Just because I don't think of Ada as often as I used to or cry as many tears as I once did doesn't mean she is not still every bit as important to me. I still love you and miss you, my sweet Ada.
3 comments:
Sometimes I wish that I were having a girl so that I could use Lily's clothes for her sister. Especially since Lily's due date and Cooper's due dates were only a month apart...But, alas we are having a sweet baby boy and his daddy won't let me dress him in a dress :)
I think its normal to have more days that you don't cry versus days that you do...Like I said in a post yesterday, life is that way...you have to pick up and carry on and you being healthy is the best thing that you can give to Ada's little sister...
Tom and I recently sorted through Malou's clothes and decided which ones to keep "just for her" too. It's nice to have something special that will always remind you of your sweet Ada.
I think this is a great idea to keep it special for Ada. You are a wonderful mother, and you are right...it probably is healthy that you don't sit and weep as you once did.
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