We moved into our house 2 years ago, and since then we've met our neighbors from across the street, but we've never really talked to the ones next door to us. (We only have neighbors on one side.) We see them out walking their dog all the time and they're about our parents' age, but they've just never been very friendly. Well, this week I found out why.
Having a baby makes it easier to approach others, and apparently it makes us more approachable. The other evening we got back from a walk with Eleanor, and the lady next door was out in her yard. She came over and I introduced her to Eleanor, and then we proceeded to have a very long conversation. Their daughter, who I'm assuming was about my age, died of cancer just a couple of months before we moved in. My neighbor was in tears as she told me about what happened and pointed out the window to her daughter's bedroom. She said that she and her husband used to be very social with all of the neighbors, but they just aren't the same people anymore. Some days she goes in her room (her office?) and he goes in his and they both just cry. On top of that, their other daughter lost her baby when she was 8 months pregnant while the sister was sick with cancer, and her husband has had 3 heart attacks since all of this began - one of them was when he saw his daughter's body. I told her about Ada, but I realize that I can never compare my loss to hers. I don't think you can ever really compare losses, of course. It was strange though, because I wanted to tell her that I understand, because I DO understand what it's like to find out that your child has died. At the same time, I have no idea what it's like to raise your child to be a responsible adult and then lose them. I just can't imagine. I wonder if part of the reason they have never talked with us much is because I might remind them of their daughter. Like I said, I'm probably around her age.
My neighbor apologized for not being more social, not that she needed to. I feel a connection with her now though, and I want to do something to get to know her a little better. I have a book on losing a child that is really more about losing a child later in life. I thought I might take it to her sometime. Or maybe I should just make cookies or something and take them instead - something a little bit happier! I'm glad that I can take Eleanor with me, because I'm not the most outgoing person and she can make anybody smile. If you have any suggestions for what Eleanor and I can do, leave them in the comments below.
Having a baby makes it easier to approach others, and apparently it makes us more approachable. The other evening we got back from a walk with Eleanor, and the lady next door was out in her yard. She came over and I introduced her to Eleanor, and then we proceeded to have a very long conversation. Their daughter, who I'm assuming was about my age, died of cancer just a couple of months before we moved in. My neighbor was in tears as she told me about what happened and pointed out the window to her daughter's bedroom. She said that she and her husband used to be very social with all of the neighbors, but they just aren't the same people anymore. Some days she goes in her room (her office?) and he goes in his and they both just cry. On top of that, their other daughter lost her baby when she was 8 months pregnant while the sister was sick with cancer, and her husband has had 3 heart attacks since all of this began - one of them was when he saw his daughter's body. I told her about Ada, but I realize that I can never compare my loss to hers. I don't think you can ever really compare losses, of course. It was strange though, because I wanted to tell her that I understand, because I DO understand what it's like to find out that your child has died. At the same time, I have no idea what it's like to raise your child to be a responsible adult and then lose them. I just can't imagine. I wonder if part of the reason they have never talked with us much is because I might remind them of their daughter. Like I said, I'm probably around her age.
My neighbor apologized for not being more social, not that she needed to. I feel a connection with her now though, and I want to do something to get to know her a little better. I have a book on losing a child that is really more about losing a child later in life. I thought I might take it to her sometime. Or maybe I should just make cookies or something and take them instead - something a little bit happier! I'm glad that I can take Eleanor with me, because I'm not the most outgoing person and she can make anybody smile. If you have any suggestions for what Eleanor and I can do, leave them in the comments below.
2 comments:
I have learned that so many people carry pain around with them. When I started sharing my story with people, they started telling me about all the horrible things going on in their own lives. It will be nice for your neighbor to have someone to check in on her once in a while. Especially someone who knows the pain of losing a child. Are you going to try to connect with her daughter who lost the baby?
Beth, Thanks so much for posting this story. It's a beautiful story. I really relate to the part about not being so outgoing and having to find ways/reasons to reach out and get to know other's stories - even become a part of their story - and they of ours. Thanks for sharing!
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