I haven't written on here in a while, but I notice that people keep coming! I feel like I should update this somehow.
My pregnancy is going very well - I'm 11 weeks today. I'm starting to get truly excited about this baby and last night I even had a dream about meeting her - yes, it was a girl in my dream. Who knows what that means! :) Still, sometimes I have these flashbacks about Ada. I remember certain little things, like the moment that the ultrasound technician told me there was no heartbeat (I remember every detail of that room!) or the look on Hunter's face when I held Ada for the first time. I will get one of these images in my mind and it doesn't go away for a while. Sometimes I can't believe that all of that actually happened. It's still hard to accept, in a way.
Today I went to Target to buy a baby present for a friend and I saw another mother shopping with her young baby girl. For the most part I am caught up with my own pregnancy and thoughts about this baby, but sometimes I stop and think about how big Ada should be now and what she should be doing. Today I visited my friend who was due a week before Ada and I noticed that her baby boy is much more alert now than he used to be and he's learning to hold his head up. This didn't make me sad at all, but it did make me think about what Ada would be able to do now. I miss her.
I have another friend - more of an acquantiance, really - who is pregnant and just found out that the baby has spina bifida. I want to tell more of the story, but I don't know how many people they have told yet and I don't want to spread their news for them. Hunter and I are both pretty upset over this and we just keep asking each other why these things keep happening. When I was in college, I thought everybody in the US had healthy babies with no problems as long as they didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. Both of us were pretty naive, and we just can't believe how all of these things keep happening to people we know. Please pray for our friends - this has really come as a shock, as you might imagine.
At the same time, I have two more friends - one in "real life" and one from message boards - who are now both expecting again after losing a baby. I have hope for them, but I also remember my friends who are still trying or, worse yet, have been told they can never have children again. I guess life really isn't fair, is it?
My pregnancy is going very well - I'm 11 weeks today. I'm starting to get truly excited about this baby and last night I even had a dream about meeting her - yes, it was a girl in my dream. Who knows what that means! :) Still, sometimes I have these flashbacks about Ada. I remember certain little things, like the moment that the ultrasound technician told me there was no heartbeat (I remember every detail of that room!) or the look on Hunter's face when I held Ada for the first time. I will get one of these images in my mind and it doesn't go away for a while. Sometimes I can't believe that all of that actually happened. It's still hard to accept, in a way.
Today I went to Target to buy a baby present for a friend and I saw another mother shopping with her young baby girl. For the most part I am caught up with my own pregnancy and thoughts about this baby, but sometimes I stop and think about how big Ada should be now and what she should be doing. Today I visited my friend who was due a week before Ada and I noticed that her baby boy is much more alert now than he used to be and he's learning to hold his head up. This didn't make me sad at all, but it did make me think about what Ada would be able to do now. I miss her.
I have another friend - more of an acquantiance, really - who is pregnant and just found out that the baby has spina bifida. I want to tell more of the story, but I don't know how many people they have told yet and I don't want to spread their news for them. Hunter and I are both pretty upset over this and we just keep asking each other why these things keep happening. When I was in college, I thought everybody in the US had healthy babies with no problems as long as they didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. Both of us were pretty naive, and we just can't believe how all of these things keep happening to people we know. Please pray for our friends - this has really come as a shock, as you might imagine.
At the same time, I have two more friends - one in "real life" and one from message boards - who are now both expecting again after losing a baby. I have hope for them, but I also remember my friends who are still trying or, worse yet, have been told they can never have children again. I guess life really isn't fair, is it?
3 comments:
No life isn't fair~but I'm trying to come to terms with that fact.
Bad things happen to good people all the time.
I will definetly add your friends to my prayer list.
Welcome back! I am one of the people checking your blog. I have a list of them I check (almost) everyday. :) I always like your posts.
First, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I'll be thinking of them.
Second, "For the most part I am caught up with my own pregnancy and thoughts about this baby" - I find that comforting. I am scared that if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again, I won't be able to enjoy it at all. That I will be consumed with worry. So I'm glad to hear you are doing pretty well in that regard.
Life is definitely not fair. I'm so glad to hear that your pregnancy is progressing. I know you miss Ada and I wish I could bring her back to be in your arms like the baby you know who is her age.
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