Tomorrow I will officially reach the 20 week mark. Many of you know all too well what that means - if we lose the baby now, she will be considered "stillborn" instead of a "miscarriage." I actually knew that last time around, and when I hit 20 weeks I took comfort in it, believe it or not. After all, when I got pregnant I was really afraid of a miscarriage. My mom had one and I knew that they're fairly common. I had never heard of anybody having a stillborn baby though. (It turns out that I do know people who have had one, but they never told me before Ada died.) I remember telling Hunter about it when I reached the 20 week mark and his sarcastic response was, "Oh that's really comforting."
I think when I hit 20 weeks with Ada I finally started to relax. I realized that we were actually going to have a baby. This time, I'm more scared now that I've reached that mark than I was before. I just seriously don't think I could handle two stillborn babies. How much heartbreak can one person take? I pray that I will never have to find out.
I think when I hit 20 weeks with Ada I finally started to relax. I realized that we were actually going to have a baby. This time, I'm more scared now that I've reached that mark than I was before. I just seriously don't think I could handle two stillborn babies. How much heartbreak can one person take? I pray that I will never have to find out.
3 comments:
Oddly, the 20 week mark was comforting to me, too. I was like "whew, half way done"...who knew that I would only have her for 3 more short weeks :(
I certainly hope you don't have to find out that pain. I am glad you have hit 20 weeks because it means you are halfway through your healthy pregnancy and on your way to having Eleanor in your arms. I understand what you mean because I'm more nervous about the 2nd trimester than I was about the 1st.
I can imagine it will also be difficult as you approach 24 weeks. But it IS a good thing to get this far. Although I tend to lose hope for myself sometimes, I have a lot of faith and hope for you that Eleanor will be born safely (and screaming :)) into your arms.
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