A Different Child

Last night I was cleaning up and I found a few of Ada's ultrasound pictures mixed in with all my scrapbook stuff. There's one of her perfect little foot and one of her arm and hand waving at us. I brought them into our room to put them away in her box, which I keep in my closet (so I can easily grab it in case there's an emergency in the middle of the night), and Hunter was in there. I was smiling when I showed him the pictures, and we were both smiling as we looked at them and talked about how perfect she was to us. Yet, we both had tears in our eyes. Hunter said that in 30 years we will look at those same pictures and still get tears in our eyes - so true. We both miss Ada so much.

Later last night Hunter had his hand on my belly and we were both laughing at how much Eleanor was moving around - she is one seriously active baby! Sometimes that makes me nervous - I hope I can keep up with her after she's born! Anyway, we love feeling her move and we talk about all of the things we plan to teach her. My nature and science loving husband is excited about showing her an anthill one day. I'm excited about traveling with her and showing her the world. We both love her so much already and can't wait to meet her.

This morning Jen posted this poem on her blog. I've seen it before, but it was before I was pregnant with Eleanor. It is so incredibly appropriate. Thanks Jen!

A Different Child

A different child,
People notice
There's a special glow around you.
You grow
Surrounded by love,
Never doubting you are wanted;
Only look at the pride and joy
in your mother and father's eyes.
And if sometimes
Between the smiles
There's a trace of tears,
One day
You'll understand.
You'll understand
There was once another child
A different child
Who was in their hopes and dreams.
That child will never outgrow the baby clothes
That child will never keep them up at night
In fact, that child will never be any trouble at all.
Except sometimes, in a silent moment,
When mother and father miss so much
That different child.
May hope and love wrap you warmly
And may you learn the lesson forever
How infinitely precious
How infinitely fragile
Is this life on earth
One day, as a young man or woman
You may see another mother's tears
Another father's silent grief
Then you, and you alone
Will understand
And offer the greatest comfort.
When all hope seems lost,
You will tell them
With great compassion,
"I know how you feel.
I'm only here
Because my mother tried again."

Written by Pandora Diane MacMillan

I have to add one thing to this. Soon after Ada died, we got a really nice card from one of Hunter's college friends. He wrote a really long note about how sad he was for us and how his mom lost a baby before he was born. He said that he hoped we could find the courage to try again, because if his mom had not then he wouldn't be here and what kind of world would that be? :) It was a wonderful card, and I hope that Eleanor can be that thoughtful one day.