The other night I was in Eleanor's room happily cutting tags off of all of her new little socks and hats. I can't bring myself to do that to her clothes yet. For a while, I didn't do it because I was afraid of the possibility of the ultrasound being wrong about the gender, but I think after 3 level 2 ultrasounds, 2 of them with VERY clear shots of her girl parts, I shouldn't worry about that. Still, I feel like it's bad luck or something. So, I decided that I could do it for the socks and hats as a step in that direction.
Suddenly, I mean totally out of the blue, I burst into tears. There was really no specific thought that triggered this, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it must be because I never got to this point in preparing for Ada. I had a few little outfits for her, but nothing like the drawers full that I have now for Eleanor. I cried big fat tears for several minutes and I couldn't make myself stop. It actually felt good though. Sometimes I have this fear that I'm slowly forgetting about Ada, but moments like that remind me that her memory is still very real for me.
On another note, my cat Lincoln is still missing. It's been two full weeks now, and we've pretty much lost hope. Hunter reminds me that he once had a cat come back after disappearing for 3 months, but we are both pretty sure that Lincoln's dead. She's almost 7 years old, slowly going blind, and has never been away from our house for more than about 2 nights until now. There's a lot of wildlife around us including snakes, bobcats, and probably even alligators, so we're assuming the worst. Her sister Penny, on the other hand, has been quite clingy lately. She stays inside more than ever before and she curls up with me all the time. I love this cat so much, but I miss her sister. I just keep telling myself that I have done EVERYTHING I can for Lincoln (calling vets, visiting shelters, posting signs, etc.) but now I just have to accept what's happened and appreciate the cat that I still have. I love them both, but it's so hard to lose one. Sound familiar?
Suddenly, I mean totally out of the blue, I burst into tears. There was really no specific thought that triggered this, but it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it must be because I never got to this point in preparing for Ada. I had a few little outfits for her, but nothing like the drawers full that I have now for Eleanor. I cried big fat tears for several minutes and I couldn't make myself stop. It actually felt good though. Sometimes I have this fear that I'm slowly forgetting about Ada, but moments like that remind me that her memory is still very real for me.
On another note, my cat Lincoln is still missing. It's been two full weeks now, and we've pretty much lost hope. Hunter reminds me that he once had a cat come back after disappearing for 3 months, but we are both pretty sure that Lincoln's dead. She's almost 7 years old, slowly going blind, and has never been away from our house for more than about 2 nights until now. There's a lot of wildlife around us including snakes, bobcats, and probably even alligators, so we're assuming the worst. Her sister Penny, on the other hand, has been quite clingy lately. She stays inside more than ever before and she curls up with me all the time. I love this cat so much, but I miss her sister. I just keep telling myself that I have done EVERYTHING I can for Lincoln (calling vets, visiting shelters, posting signs, etc.) but now I just have to accept what's happened and appreciate the cat that I still have. I love them both, but it's so hard to lose one. Sound familiar?
Lincoln & Penny almost 7 years ago. They were the runts.
(Lincoln is the lighter one.)
(Lincoln is the lighter one.)
Sweet sisters
They were so tiny when we got them that we had to feed them with bottles.
Lincoln is always up to something!
Pictures like this remind me of why we let them go outside. I'm glad that Lincoln had 7 good years of exploring the world.
Beautiful Penny
6 comments:
I'm sad about your cat. That is just awful. I wasn't sure if you were going to make that connection verbally, but it sure does seem to have similar emotions to you loving Eleanor while still missing Ada. You are not forgetting Ada, and I will tell you I am not forgetting her. Every week on Thursdays there is an Ada who comes to dance at the studio. When I hear her name, I think of your sweet daughter. I hope it makes you feel good to know that your little girl is remembered even by people who you haven't met! I completely randomly broke down this week as well with quite the crying fit. Those moments come out of nowhere. Hugs.
I recently lost my beloved cat of ten years, Gus, and I know how you feel. I am sorry about Lincoln.
That's exactly how I was on the day of Allie's shower. It's so random and unexpected! I do think it has everything to do with us never being able to do these things for our angels.
And in no way will we ever forget them. We're just learning to live without them now, and that means that our minds are going to have to go back to "normal" life at some point. Our hearts, however, will never forget them...not even for a second.
So sorry about your cat! I hope you she returns!
You are a beautiful writer and I read some of your older posts. Ada was special.
Stop by when you have some time.
I love all my new blog friends.
I know those moments can come out of nowhere and can be very overwhelming. It has to be difficult planning for your second daughter when you didn't get to do all those great things for Ada. You're not alone. I can't believe Eleanor will be here in a little over a month!
I'm so sorry about Lincoln. I have a cat, Delilah, that I adore and I don't know what I would do without her. I'm still holding out hope that she comes home, though.
I honestly hope your cat comes home before Eleanor is born. Maybe someone took her in - someone who needed a little love? Happened to me and I gave Ashes back to her owner. I have a surprise for you, just be patient for a while... in the meantime here's a huge hug for you! :)
Mirna
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