This weekend we went to South Carolina, where we used to live until last summer, to visit my in-laws and lots of our friends. It was even worth the 18 hours in the car! We had fun visiting with everybody, but there are a few moments that stand out to me...
One of my best friends since sixth grade said, "So, when am I throwing you a baby shower?" I told her that May is probably good because I don't want to travel at all in the 3rd trimester, but I had a really hard time even saying that. I have a hard time making plans for the future that involve this baby. I suppose that's normal, especially after a loss, but I want to be excited about this baby and its future! I have my ultrasound on Wednesday morning, so hopefully that will help. I know that's what made Ada "real" to me.
On Saturday I got to hold two different babies. Hope was born in April and Eric was born in August. Every time I see both of them I smile, because they're so cute and I loved seeing how they have grown since the last time I saw them in September. I thought about Ada and how she was supposed to be born in 2008, too. The three of them should have grown up playing together whenever the group of us gets together, but it actually didn't make me too sad. There will be another baby, and they will still all play together. Besides, those babies are so cute that it's impossible to sad around them!
We visited our old church on Sunday morning and so many people came up to talk to us...they were all so nice! Most of them knew we're expecting again and they all knew about Ada. During the service I thought about all of the memories that I have in that sanctuary. Some are silly, like I remember the Sunday after we got engaged and I sat there playing with my diamond and watching all of the colors from the stained glass windows reflected in it. Some are sad, like talking with the pastor when my dad left my mom a couple of years ago. Most are really happy though, mainly our own wedding, and also my friend Emily's wedding there this summer. I was just over 4 months pregnant and I was definitely showing. I was in the wedding, and I remember walking down the aisle and thinking that I either needed to suck in my belly or stick it way out so it would be more obvious that I was pregnant...and of course I chose to stick it out! I remember looking across the sanctuary during the ceremony at Hunter and thinking about how far we had come since our own wedding in the same room 5 1/2 years earlier. Anyway, this past Sunday it brought tears to my eyes to think that I will never get to bring Ada to that wonderful church that has been so good to us. After church Courtney, the pastor who did our wedding and also insisted on flying down here to do Ada's service in our home, told me that he prays for me almost every day. It was very touching to hear that, and it challenged me - who could I say that to?
When we went to Hunter's mom's house, she and Hunter's step-dad were wearing the ribbons I made them for Oct. 15. That was such a nice gesture. We all went to the Melting Pot for dinner instead of exchanging any gifts. Again, I found myself thinking that Ada should be there with her family at Christmas, but everybody was also excited about the baby on the way.
Finally, we spent last night at the home of some of our friends, and they gave us a beautiful ornament. The card said that they will all be remembering Ada this Christmas, and I put a picture of the ornament below. It made me cry (of course :) ) and I was so touched that other people are thinking about Ada this Christmas too. It's nice that the ornament that I made for her won't be the only "Ada ornament" on the tree. My life was not the only life that was touched by Ada's, and that's so good to know. The ornament is perfect.
One of my best friends since sixth grade said, "So, when am I throwing you a baby shower?" I told her that May is probably good because I don't want to travel at all in the 3rd trimester, but I had a really hard time even saying that. I have a hard time making plans for the future that involve this baby. I suppose that's normal, especially after a loss, but I want to be excited about this baby and its future! I have my ultrasound on Wednesday morning, so hopefully that will help. I know that's what made Ada "real" to me.
On Saturday I got to hold two different babies. Hope was born in April and Eric was born in August. Every time I see both of them I smile, because they're so cute and I loved seeing how they have grown since the last time I saw them in September. I thought about Ada and how she was supposed to be born in 2008, too. The three of them should have grown up playing together whenever the group of us gets together, but it actually didn't make me too sad. There will be another baby, and they will still all play together. Besides, those babies are so cute that it's impossible to sad around them!
We visited our old church on Sunday morning and so many people came up to talk to us...they were all so nice! Most of them knew we're expecting again and they all knew about Ada. During the service I thought about all of the memories that I have in that sanctuary. Some are silly, like I remember the Sunday after we got engaged and I sat there playing with my diamond and watching all of the colors from the stained glass windows reflected in it. Some are sad, like talking with the pastor when my dad left my mom a couple of years ago. Most are really happy though, mainly our own wedding, and also my friend Emily's wedding there this summer. I was just over 4 months pregnant and I was definitely showing. I was in the wedding, and I remember walking down the aisle and thinking that I either needed to suck in my belly or stick it way out so it would be more obvious that I was pregnant...and of course I chose to stick it out! I remember looking across the sanctuary during the ceremony at Hunter and thinking about how far we had come since our own wedding in the same room 5 1/2 years earlier. Anyway, this past Sunday it brought tears to my eyes to think that I will never get to bring Ada to that wonderful church that has been so good to us. After church Courtney, the pastor who did our wedding and also insisted on flying down here to do Ada's service in our home, told me that he prays for me almost every day. It was very touching to hear that, and it challenged me - who could I say that to?
When we went to Hunter's mom's house, she and Hunter's step-dad were wearing the ribbons I made them for Oct. 15. That was such a nice gesture. We all went to the Melting Pot for dinner instead of exchanging any gifts. Again, I found myself thinking that Ada should be there with her family at Christmas, but everybody was also excited about the baby on the way.
Finally, we spent last night at the home of some of our friends, and they gave us a beautiful ornament. The card said that they will all be remembering Ada this Christmas, and I put a picture of the ornament below. It made me cry (of course :) ) and I was so touched that other people are thinking about Ada this Christmas too. It's nice that the ornament that I made for her won't be the only "Ada ornament" on the tree. My life was not the only life that was touched by Ada's, and that's so good to know. The ornament is perfect.
2 comments:
Beth-I am glad that you had a great visit in SC. I want you to know that I am thinking about you, Ada, Hunter, and this new baby over the holiday season. We just got your Christmas card today and I have moved yours and Shelley's to the front of the pile to remember to pray for your families. I hope you have a blessed Christmas! BTW-I had no idea about your dad and mom.
I LOVE that ornament. It sounds like such a peaceful trip and I'm so glad you got to go. I'm glad you have a new little one to be hopeful about, although it is still so tough not having Ada with you for Christmas. It sounds like your family and friends are remembering Ada well and that is special.
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