I'm happy...

...and it scares me!

This weekend I am flying to SC where I used to live and I'm having my first baby shower. I'll only be 25 weeks pregnant, but I don't want to travel any after I begin the third trimester. It's just not worth the risk! I am very excited about visiting with friends and family, and of course I'm excited about all of the cute baby things that are to come.

Hunter and I have been talking more and more about Eleanor lately. He reaches over to put his hand on my belly all the time, and he gets so excited when he feels her move. He talks to her - it's always so sweet. Tonight we had Mexican food and Hunter let "Eleanor" have the last bite of guacamole - I'm not sure if I would have gotten it otherwise! He talks about her all the time and I love seeing how excited he is.

The nursery looks so cute. It's not totally done yet, but it's come together very nicely. There's really not that much left to do besides hang the painting that is currently being framed and to find some curtains. I go in there almost every day and think about what it will be like when Eleanor is here.

Today I heard a story from one of my pregnant friends. (Well, I heard it through Hunter so I'm a little fuzzy on the details.) She was at the doctor's office where she heard a very pregnant woman "lose it". She was sobbing and calling people on her cell phone. That's really all I know, but that sounds extremely familiar to me. I remember when I called my mom and I could barely even get any words out. I keep thinking about that poor woman and wonder how she's doing tonight.

I could not handle that experience again. I miss Ada every day and think about her precious little life, but I am moving forward and I am so excited about Eleanor. I don't really worry too much about this pregnancy or dwell on the "what if's" often, but then sometimes I stop and think... What if it happens again? So, that's why I'm scared to be this happy.