Reminders

Alias is one of my all time favorite shows. It's about CIA agents who travel all over the world, speak multiple languages, and use cool (yet sometimes unrealistic...) gadgets to save the world - what could be better? Hunter and I got the DVD's from the library a couple of years ago and watched every episode, and we've been re-watching them over the last couple of months. The other night we were watching an episode that I had pretty much forgotten about. I don't want to say too much in case you haven't seen the show and later decide to (it's so good!), but basically what happens is that you find out that one of the really "bad guys" on the show and his wife lost a baby late in her pregnancy. That's all the information you get, but it's enough. As the man is revealing his story, he breaks down and weeps. Like I said, he's a bad guy - he's one of the characters on the show that you love to hate. But as he weeps for his daughter and keeps saying "Jacqueline" over and over, you can't help but feel empathy for the character. Hunter and I had seen this episode before, but we saw it in a totally different light now. We both cried a little bit as we watched it, and we were both in a sad mood for the rest of the evening. In some ways it was good for us though, because we talked about Ada more than we have in a while. I mean, her name normally comes up every day or two, but we don't usually have whole conversations about her.

I think the timing is part of what made this so hard. Every day this week I have thought to myself, "Was this the day in my pregnancy that Ada died?" I'm pretty sure that day has passed by now, but I don't know. Monday is the day we found out. Thankfully, Eleanor is an extremely active baby and she really helps keep my fear at bay. It's only 7:14 AM, and I've already felt her kicking this morning. Still, I'm sad. I miss Ada. I'm sad that I have so few memories of her.

In another episode of Alias, a mother sees her grown daughter that she hasn't seen since she was a baby. It takes a little while, but all of a sudden the mother recognizes her daughter and stares at her in shock with tears on her face. I asked Hunter if he thought we would recognize Ada if we saw her all grown up. Of course, I know that's not possible, but you know what I mean. Hunter said he doesn't think so - he's a pretty realistic person - but I wonder. It's a silly thing to think about because it will never happen, but I can't help it. What would she be like? Would she recognize me?