This is the prayer that Courtney prayed at Ada's service.
Dearest God,
We hurt right now. We hurt because promises and hopes and dreams have all died with Ada. We hurt for what we planned on and now never will be. We hurt because this doesn’t make sense and it isn’t fair. At many funerals we get to tell funny stories and celebrate a life well lived. But Ada never had that chance and we never had the chance to make memories with her. And so we hurt. We need you to be with us, to hold us and to reassure us.
When people say, “It must have been God’s will” remind Hunter and Beth that death was never part of your will and that through Jesus Christ you have conquered death.
When people say, “God needed another angel in heaven” remind Hunter and Beth that you are just as present with them now as you will be in heaven. Ada did not die so that you could have another angel. Rather, as the Apostle Paul proclaimed “Whether we live or we die, we belong to the Lord” (Romans 14:8).
When people say, “You can have another child” remind Hunter and Beth that Ada is their eldest child and always will remain so. Then we pray, fill them with the hope even amidst their fears for the possibility of other children to fill their hearts and their lives.
When people say, “We can’t question God” remind Hunter and Beth of Job and the Psalmist and Jesus who cried out their honest questions to you in anger, hurt, and confusion. Give them the grace to offer to you their deepest hurts, even when they feel like blaming you for those hurts. And after they cry out to you, comfort them with your presence and your peace.
When people say, “time heals all wounds” remind Hunter and Beth that although there is truth in that proverb, it may not feel so when they are overwhelmed with grief. Reassure them that you promise to walk with us THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, that you are with us in that dark valley.
I pray for Ada. We do not know what heaven is like. We especially do not know what heaven is like for infants. We trust you, however. We trust that whatever you have in store for Ada, it is good. We trust that although her death was not part of your will, her life with you in eternity is. We trust that part of your plan is that we will, one day, be able to make memories in heaven that we could not make here on earth. And so, this day, we long for heaven. We pray one of the oldest prayers of the church, “Even so, come Lord Jesus.”
I pray for Hunter and Beth. You promise us that “we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28. I trust that this means that through your resurrection power, you can bring good out of all circumstances. This does not mean that we will ever be grateful for Ada’s death, but that we shall one day be so very grateful for her life and for the good which will come from it. I do not know what good might come from this, but I trust you do. I pray that even now, you are working to bring good out of tragedy and that Hunter and Beth will recognize that good when it comes.
I worry that in situations like this, the parents may feel as if they have done something wrong to cause this to happen. In our search for answers, we often blame ourselves. I pray that you will remove any feelings of guilt or shame Hunter and Beth may have.
I pray for Hunter and Beth when they cry and feel as if they will never be happy again and I pray for them when they laugh and have a stab of guilt because they feel it may be a betrayal of their grief. Help them to be honest with each other and you about how they are feeling. Help them to know you are with them, that you weep with them. Help them to laugh again.
I pray for this family. My prayer is first a prayer of thanksgiving. Thank you for letting me be a part of this family. I have been with them in both happy and sad times. I have ministered with and to them. They have ministered to me. You have given us to each other and for that I am so very, very thankful. I ask you to be with each member of this family – those in this room and those far away. Fill us with wisdom and strength and courage and compassion as we care for Hunter and Beth. Fill us with peace and hope as we grieve as well. This is hard on us all.
We commit Ada to your care this day. Comfort us in our sorrow, strengthen us with hope, and breathe peace into our troubled hearts. Assure us that the love in which we rejoiced for a time is not lost, and that Ada is with you, safe in your eternal embrace. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, who took little children into his arms and blessed them. Amen.
Dearest God,
We hurt right now. We hurt because promises and hopes and dreams have all died with Ada. We hurt for what we planned on and now never will be. We hurt because this doesn’t make sense and it isn’t fair. At many funerals we get to tell funny stories and celebrate a life well lived. But Ada never had that chance and we never had the chance to make memories with her. And so we hurt. We need you to be with us, to hold us and to reassure us.
When people say, “It must have been God’s will” remind Hunter and Beth that death was never part of your will and that through Jesus Christ you have conquered death.
When people say, “God needed another angel in heaven” remind Hunter and Beth that you are just as present with them now as you will be in heaven. Ada did not die so that you could have another angel. Rather, as the Apostle Paul proclaimed “Whether we live or we die, we belong to the Lord” (Romans 14:8).
When people say, “You can have another child” remind Hunter and Beth that Ada is their eldest child and always will remain so. Then we pray, fill them with the hope even amidst their fears for the possibility of other children to fill their hearts and their lives.
When people say, “We can’t question God” remind Hunter and Beth of Job and the Psalmist and Jesus who cried out their honest questions to you in anger, hurt, and confusion. Give them the grace to offer to you their deepest hurts, even when they feel like blaming you for those hurts. And after they cry out to you, comfort them with your presence and your peace.
When people say, “time heals all wounds” remind Hunter and Beth that although there is truth in that proverb, it may not feel so when they are overwhelmed with grief. Reassure them that you promise to walk with us THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, that you are with us in that dark valley.
I pray for Ada. We do not know what heaven is like. We especially do not know what heaven is like for infants. We trust you, however. We trust that whatever you have in store for Ada, it is good. We trust that although her death was not part of your will, her life with you in eternity is. We trust that part of your plan is that we will, one day, be able to make memories in heaven that we could not make here on earth. And so, this day, we long for heaven. We pray one of the oldest prayers of the church, “Even so, come Lord Jesus.”
I pray for Hunter and Beth. You promise us that “we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28. I trust that this means that through your resurrection power, you can bring good out of all circumstances. This does not mean that we will ever be grateful for Ada’s death, but that we shall one day be so very grateful for her life and for the good which will come from it. I do not know what good might come from this, but I trust you do. I pray that even now, you are working to bring good out of tragedy and that Hunter and Beth will recognize that good when it comes.
I worry that in situations like this, the parents may feel as if they have done something wrong to cause this to happen. In our search for answers, we often blame ourselves. I pray that you will remove any feelings of guilt or shame Hunter and Beth may have.
I pray for Hunter and Beth when they cry and feel as if they will never be happy again and I pray for them when they laugh and have a stab of guilt because they feel it may be a betrayal of their grief. Help them to be honest with each other and you about how they are feeling. Help them to know you are with them, that you weep with them. Help them to laugh again.
I pray for this family. My prayer is first a prayer of thanksgiving. Thank you for letting me be a part of this family. I have been with them in both happy and sad times. I have ministered with and to them. They have ministered to me. You have given us to each other and for that I am so very, very thankful. I ask you to be with each member of this family – those in this room and those far away. Fill us with wisdom and strength and courage and compassion as we care for Hunter and Beth. Fill us with peace and hope as we grieve as well. This is hard on us all.
We commit Ada to your care this day. Comfort us in our sorrow, strengthen us with hope, and breathe peace into our troubled hearts. Assure us that the love in which we rejoiced for a time is not lost, and that Ada is with you, safe in your eternal embrace. We ask this in the name of Jesus Christ, who took little children into his arms and blessed them. Amen.
2 comments:
What a beautiful prayer. Writing really does help, or at least, it helps me. I'm so sorry this happened to you, too.
Dear Beth and Hunter,
Courtney has forwarded this site to some of us at Pendleton FBC, and I am so glad that we were recipients. We have thought of you both so much through this hard time, and feel a link with you on a couple of fronts.
Tom and I tried so hard to start a family for a long, long time. We went through so many infertility treatments, and had such high hopes, only to have them dashed each month. We never were able to concieve, and every month of disappointment was crushing. After a while, we got really tired of having people say to us, "When are you going to start a family? Don't you think it's time?" And we, too, watched our friends have children, and even though we rejoiced with them, it was a very bittersweet kind of rejoicing. I don't think people can really understand those feelings if they haven't been through it. It was hard enough for us to never conceive, and I cannot imagine how much harder it would be to rejoice over a pregnancy and then have it end so sadly.
Our nephew and his wife had an experience very similar to yours, losing their first child, a son, at 23 weeks. They, too, gently gave his ashes to the ocean, at Duck, NC, where they had become engaged and later married. We mourned with them, as we have with you.
Their story has become much happier, as they now have 17 month old twins, born after much worry and weeks and weeks of hospitalization before and after their births at 29 weeks. Our story worked our well, also, as we adopted two little boys, each at two days old, who now are 26 and 20 years old.
Our stories of happy results are not stories that will make your sorrow any less at this time, just as our friends' happy stories did nothing to help us feel better when we felt that we were the only couple we knew who could not have a child. But maybe these stories might help a little bit by helping you know that you are not alone in your sadness, and people who have had difficult experiences are sharing your frustrations and discouragement. We cannot really do anything to help, but we can feel for you and keep you in our prayers and wish for you a peace and acceptance, and a hope for brighter days.
We will keep little Ada in our hearts, and we will pray for the two of you, that your days will become easier and you will find joy and hope with each other.
With love,
Peggy and Tom Carter
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