Baby Showers

Today I was talking with a good friend and she mentioned that she would be going to the baby shower of another friend of ours who is due a couple of weeks after I was. After I hung up the phone a while later, my mind drifted back to the thought of our friend's shower and I started to cry so hard. I am truly happy for my friend who is having the baby and of course I wish her well, but it was still hard for me to hear. Ada died a month and a half ago and I'm starting to get to the point where I can look at her picture and smile and look ahead to the future with hope - and then out of nowhere I'm reminded of what I should be doing right now. The pain is just so intense. I registered for baby gifts that I know Ada will never get, but I can't bring myself to delete the registry. I haven't even set foot in Target since she was born because I can't bear to walk past the baby stuff. Right now I should be putting the final touches on her room, writing lots of thank you notes, and washing her little clothes to prepare them for her. But instead, I'm...what? I'm doing nothing for her because there is nothing I can do! I'm still grieving my baby. I think about her all the time and miss her all the time. I am so thankful that I got to meet my beautiful Ada, but it is so unfair that we had to say hello and goodbye at the same time.

And to my friend who called me today, I'm sure you are reading this and feeling bad for mentioning the shower, but don't. Nobody can protect me from life. This is just part of the grieving process for me. You are a wonderful friend and I am so thankful that you called me and asked me about Ada. I wouldn't want it any other way. :)