I know that a lot of people are afraid to say anything to me because they don't want to make me upset or say anything that will offend me. But actually, nobody has said or done anything that made me mad. Even if I completely disagree with a statement, I realize that everyone is just trying to comfort me in their own way. I may even get a little upset inside by the comment, but I appreciate the fact that a friend is trying to help me through a difficult time. Anything is better than saying nothing.
When it comes to God, I have a very different outlook on his role in Ada's death than many other people seem to. I think part of the reason why the comments I hear don't bother me is that I was already comfortable enough with my understanding of God's Will before we lost Ada. I do not believe that her death was a part of God's Will. I do not believe that her death was "meant to be," or that it was a part of some bigger plan that I can't understand right now, that her soul was not right for me to raise as a parent (yes, I really was told that!), or that she is now an angel in heaven watching over me. In a sense I guess I believe that God "allowed" her death to happen, but I have trouble with that statement as well because it presents an image of God standing idly by. Instead, I believe that God's Will for Ada's life was for her to have a full and joyful life; His plans for her were probably similar to the plans that Hunter and I had as parents. So why did she die? When God created the earth He developed laws of nature, and one of them is that human beings need oxygen to survive. Apparently a blood clot cut off Ada's oxygen, and the laws of nature took their course. Do I believe that God could have stopped that from happening? I don't know, and I guess that is something I struggle with a little. But still, we live in a fallen world, and bad things happen. It doesn't mean that God wants for them to happen or plans these events! God is nothing but good, so all bad things are separate from Him. However, I fully believe that God can work good through all of the bad. I have already seen good coming out of Ada's life - if nothing else, Hunter and I are much closer today than we ever were before.
Another good thing that came from losing Ada is that I have a much greater understanding of how to act when people are grieving. Notice that I didn't say "what to say" but rather "how to act." Just listen to the person. Send a card. Bring food. Call them. Cry with them. Do something to show that you care and you know that they're hurting. Words really aren't that important. I have a giant stack of cards laying on Ada's dresser that came in the weeks following her death; in fact, we even got another one yesterday. Those mean so much to me because they show that so many people were touched by Ada's life and are thinking about us.
Most of my understanding of God's Will comes from the book The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead. I highly recommend it.
When it comes to God, I have a very different outlook on his role in Ada's death than many other people seem to. I think part of the reason why the comments I hear don't bother me is that I was already comfortable enough with my understanding of God's Will before we lost Ada. I do not believe that her death was a part of God's Will. I do not believe that her death was "meant to be," or that it was a part of some bigger plan that I can't understand right now, that her soul was not right for me to raise as a parent (yes, I really was told that!), or that she is now an angel in heaven watching over me. In a sense I guess I believe that God "allowed" her death to happen, but I have trouble with that statement as well because it presents an image of God standing idly by. Instead, I believe that God's Will for Ada's life was for her to have a full and joyful life; His plans for her were probably similar to the plans that Hunter and I had as parents. So why did she die? When God created the earth He developed laws of nature, and one of them is that human beings need oxygen to survive. Apparently a blood clot cut off Ada's oxygen, and the laws of nature took their course. Do I believe that God could have stopped that from happening? I don't know, and I guess that is something I struggle with a little. But still, we live in a fallen world, and bad things happen. It doesn't mean that God wants for them to happen or plans these events! God is nothing but good, so all bad things are separate from Him. However, I fully believe that God can work good through all of the bad. I have already seen good coming out of Ada's life - if nothing else, Hunter and I are much closer today than we ever were before.
Another good thing that came from losing Ada is that I have a much greater understanding of how to act when people are grieving. Notice that I didn't say "what to say" but rather "how to act." Just listen to the person. Send a card. Bring food. Call them. Cry with them. Do something to show that you care and you know that they're hurting. Words really aren't that important. I have a giant stack of cards laying on Ada's dresser that came in the weeks following her death; in fact, we even got another one yesterday. Those mean so much to me because they show that so many people were touched by Ada's life and are thinking about us.
Most of my understanding of God's Will comes from the book The Will of God by Leslie Weatherhead. I highly recommend it.
1 comment:
I am so glad you started blogging. It has been the most healing thing for me.
I have to agree with you on the what not to say, what to do thing. I have never bought so many cards in my life. I've sent cards to friends who've been diagnosed w/ cancer and a few who've lost a parent. I never would have done that before. I think my loss has made ME more compassionate and aware of how important it is to reach out to someone who is hurting.
Post a Comment