One of my friends from college recently lost her baby at 27 days old. The other day she wrote a post on her blog about the blessings that she and her husband have seen in the loss of their daughter - you can read it here. Anyway, she has inspired me to do the same.
1. We got to hold Ada. I am so extremely thankful that I got to hold her and examine her tiny little features. This would be a million times harder for me if I hadn't gotten to see my baby. Some days I'm sad, and other days I am just extremely thankful that I got to meet her. She was one of God's most beautiful creations. I'm also thankful for the ultrasounds we had where we got to see her kicking and waving to us.
2. We were in such great hands at the hospital. I really had never realized how hard a nurse's job is. I am so thankful that they hugged me, made sure Hunter ate, explained everything that was happening to me, made sure I wasn't in much pain, helped me get around after the delivery, and a bunch of other things that I won't mention because they're kind of gross. :) Hunter and I have had many conversations about how wonderful those nurses are and how they helped us make it through those two days in the hospital. Even the lady from the lab that came to take blood after the delivery was wonderful - she told me how 3 of her own children (including a set of twins) were stillborn. I'll never forget her telling me to "Never give up" with tears in her eyes. She now has a grown daughter.
3. As far as we can tell, Ada never suffered. Since the oxygen was cut off slowly, she probably experienced something similar to what carbon monoxide poisoning feels like - meaning, she just fell asleep.
4. We lost Ada in the summer, giving me a month to recover physically and emotionally before returning to school. Emotionally I haven't completely recovered yet, of course, but I am doing much better now. I could not have functioned if I had gone straight back into teaching. Also, I'm glad it was during the summer because my mom was able to leave for Florida within a few minutes of us getting the news and she stayed here for a week. I don't know if she could have been with me for that long if school had been going on.
5. My body has recovered perfectly. There were absolutely no problems during delivery and my body has returned to normal. The doctor said losing Ada shouldn't interfere with future fertility in any way. And yes, we plan to try again.
6. We have had so much support from family and friends. I have a huge stack of cards in Ada's room that we received in the weeks following her death. Some of those cards are from people I haven't seen in at least 5 years. For about a week the highlight of my day was checking the mail. I would smile and cry at the same time when I saw who all had remembered us by sending a card. We also got lots of different plants/flower arrangements that brightened up our home. We're going to plant a few of them in one area of our yard. And also, several people made donations to Heifer International in Ada's name, giving hope to children who wouldn't have it otherwise. We also had several people send meals and a couple of people have even sent me books to comfort me. I am thankful for all of the wonderful people that God has brought into our lives.
7. Ada had a beautiful memorial service. My sister asked our former pastor and friend, Courtney Krueger, if he could help with the service somehow, and he pretty much insisted the he fly down here to be with us. When he did our pre-marital counseling and wedding I never imagined that he would ever do our baby's memorial service five years later, but I am so happy it worked out that way. His presence during those couple of days was so comforting. The service was in our living room and it was very informal - that was exactly what we needed.
8. God gave us a beautiful sunrise on the morning we sprinkled Ada's ashes.
9. I have become a much more sensitive person since Ada's loss. I have learned to realize that you never know what other people are going through. I am more sensitive to my students. In the last week I've sent three cards that I probably never would have sent if this hadn't happened, and I know they're the first of many. I've learned that when people are going through a rough time, the one thing you can do to help is to let them know that you are thinking about them - or at least, that's what has helped us.
10. I have learned what a miracle life is and I am much more appreciative of it now. From now on when I hear that a baby has been born and that "both mom and baby are healthy" I won't take that for granted.
11. My relationship with Hunter has reached a deeper level than it ever had before. We have always been extremely close and communicated well, but now I feel like we are even more open and honest. It's almost like we don't need words.
12. God has used this time to teach me a lot about his will. I will be honest and say that I am still troubled by some things, but I can tell that it is a part of the process and I can feel my faith being strengthened.
1. We got to hold Ada. I am so extremely thankful that I got to hold her and examine her tiny little features. This would be a million times harder for me if I hadn't gotten to see my baby. Some days I'm sad, and other days I am just extremely thankful that I got to meet her. She was one of God's most beautiful creations. I'm also thankful for the ultrasounds we had where we got to see her kicking and waving to us.
2. We were in such great hands at the hospital. I really had never realized how hard a nurse's job is. I am so thankful that they hugged me, made sure Hunter ate, explained everything that was happening to me, made sure I wasn't in much pain, helped me get around after the delivery, and a bunch of other things that I won't mention because they're kind of gross. :) Hunter and I have had many conversations about how wonderful those nurses are and how they helped us make it through those two days in the hospital. Even the lady from the lab that came to take blood after the delivery was wonderful - she told me how 3 of her own children (including a set of twins) were stillborn. I'll never forget her telling me to "Never give up" with tears in her eyes. She now has a grown daughter.
3. As far as we can tell, Ada never suffered. Since the oxygen was cut off slowly, she probably experienced something similar to what carbon monoxide poisoning feels like - meaning, she just fell asleep.
4. We lost Ada in the summer, giving me a month to recover physically and emotionally before returning to school. Emotionally I haven't completely recovered yet, of course, but I am doing much better now. I could not have functioned if I had gone straight back into teaching. Also, I'm glad it was during the summer because my mom was able to leave for Florida within a few minutes of us getting the news and she stayed here for a week. I don't know if she could have been with me for that long if school had been going on.
5. My body has recovered perfectly. There were absolutely no problems during delivery and my body has returned to normal. The doctor said losing Ada shouldn't interfere with future fertility in any way. And yes, we plan to try again.
6. We have had so much support from family and friends. I have a huge stack of cards in Ada's room that we received in the weeks following her death. Some of those cards are from people I haven't seen in at least 5 years. For about a week the highlight of my day was checking the mail. I would smile and cry at the same time when I saw who all had remembered us by sending a card. We also got lots of different plants/flower arrangements that brightened up our home. We're going to plant a few of them in one area of our yard. And also, several people made donations to Heifer International in Ada's name, giving hope to children who wouldn't have it otherwise. We also had several people send meals and a couple of people have even sent me books to comfort me. I am thankful for all of the wonderful people that God has brought into our lives.
7. Ada had a beautiful memorial service. My sister asked our former pastor and friend, Courtney Krueger, if he could help with the service somehow, and he pretty much insisted the he fly down here to be with us. When he did our pre-marital counseling and wedding I never imagined that he would ever do our baby's memorial service five years later, but I am so happy it worked out that way. His presence during those couple of days was so comforting. The service was in our living room and it was very informal - that was exactly what we needed.
8. God gave us a beautiful sunrise on the morning we sprinkled Ada's ashes.
9. I have become a much more sensitive person since Ada's loss. I have learned to realize that you never know what other people are going through. I am more sensitive to my students. In the last week I've sent three cards that I probably never would have sent if this hadn't happened, and I know they're the first of many. I've learned that when people are going through a rough time, the one thing you can do to help is to let them know that you are thinking about them - or at least, that's what has helped us.
10. I have learned what a miracle life is and I am much more appreciative of it now. From now on when I hear that a baby has been born and that "both mom and baby are healthy" I won't take that for granted.
11. My relationship with Hunter has reached a deeper level than it ever had before. We have always been extremely close and communicated well, but now I feel like we are even more open and honest. It's almost like we don't need words.
12. God has used this time to teach me a lot about his will. I will be honest and say that I am still troubled by some things, but I can tell that it is a part of the process and I can feel my faith being strengthened.
2 comments:
Thank you for writing this. I think I need to do it, too. It's so hard to see the good when things are so bad. I hope you are doing well.
It does help to reflect on the blessings in life, even though sometimes it hurts to even smile. I'm also thankful that I got to hold Lily, and I think of that moment everyday. I hope you have a good day.
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