Today a student from last year saw me in the hall and asked when the baby is due. I was sort of shocked. I told my students I was pregnant around the middle of May when I was 3 months along, and now I would be 7 months pregnant. I know I'm not exactly skinny, but I do not look 7 months pregnant. This same student has one of my other friends for her math class- this teacher is due a week before I was and she is very obviously pregnant. I know this student is a kid, but come on. She is in 8th grade. Doesn't she realize I don't look like her math teacher? I guess kids just don't make the connections. She knows I was pregnant when school got out, so in her mind I must still be pregnant. But doesn't she realize how many months have passed? Doesn't she realize what I should look like by now?
And of course, all of this was a reminder that I should be 7 months pregnant. I should have that big belly and by now it would be obvious to the world that I'm pregnant. I only ever had one stranger notice that I was pregnant, and that was when I was on a walk and I intentionally wore one of my maternity shirts that made my stomach look really big. It was about a week before we found out Ada was gone. I thought it was really cool for a complete stranger to notice. I still see that lady out walking every morning now when I'm on my way to school and some weird part of me wants to stop and tell her about what her nice comment that day still means to me.
Anyway, I've been doing better for the most part and I'm not nearly as sad as I was earlier this week. Still, I just wish I didn't have to say, "Actually, I lost the baby" to that girl when she asked me about my due date today.
And of course, all of this was a reminder that I should be 7 months pregnant. I should have that big belly and by now it would be obvious to the world that I'm pregnant. I only ever had one stranger notice that I was pregnant, and that was when I was on a walk and I intentionally wore one of my maternity shirts that made my stomach look really big. It was about a week before we found out Ada was gone. I thought it was really cool for a complete stranger to notice. I still see that lady out walking every morning now when I'm on my way to school and some weird part of me wants to stop and tell her about what her nice comment that day still means to me.
Anyway, I've been doing better for the most part and I'm not nearly as sad as I was earlier this week. Still, I just wish I didn't have to say, "Actually, I lost the baby" to that girl when she asked me about my due date today.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I'm so sorry :( I haven't been back to work since I lost Lily, but undoubtly there will be somebody who hasn't heard and I will have to suck things up. Kids are thoughtless though, so shake it off the best you can. (((hugs))) to you and I hope you have a good weekend.
I visited my work this week, and one of the people at the information desk in my building asked if I had the baby. When I said yes, she asked if it was a girl or boy. I said, "Girl," smiled, and kept walking. Maybe one day I'll be able to tell her the part of the story I left out. I feel like EVERYONE should know by now what happened, and I don't want to face all of the people who don't know. I love you, Beth.
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