I am being induced in 8 days, and I'm getting more and more terrified with each day. No, I'm not afraid of the pain or the drugs or the pushing or the tearing or those first attempts at breastfeeding or calming a crying baby (although I probably should be!) - I'm afraid that something is going to happen between now and then. I have learned way too much about stillbirth over the past year and heard so many heartbreaking stories. A few stories in particular stand out in my mind and they all have to do with losing the baby at the very last minute. In some ways I am thankful that I am a wiser, more sensitive person than I was a year ago, but sometimes I just wish I could have my innocence back!
So while most women in my shoes would be counting down the days and getting excited, I am counting down the days until I can stop being a nervous wreck. Well, that's probably an exaggeration, but there are several times a day when my mind goes to the "what ifs" and I start to freak out. For the most part I've been very positive during this pregnancy, but all of the doubts and worries are starting to creep in. It doesn't really help that Eleanor is running out of space in there and isn't moving quite as much as she used to. I still feel her move every few hours (and thankfully I JUST felt her as I was writing this so I'm not in one of those "freak out" moods at the moment), but sometimes I wish I could just be permanently hooked up to a fetal monitor so I could have constant reassurance. At this point I've had 12 non-stress tests, so I seriously could give one to myself! Even the nurse at my OB's office agrees with me on that!
Physically I'm feeling pretty good at this point. Sure, I have a little backache, heartburn, and extremely swollen feet/ankles, but I really don't mind. I just wish I could get all of these worries out of my head and enjoy these last days of pregnancy. I am going to miss some of the fun stuff like watching my belly move around on its own!
So while most women in my shoes would be counting down the days and getting excited, I am counting down the days until I can stop being a nervous wreck. Well, that's probably an exaggeration, but there are several times a day when my mind goes to the "what ifs" and I start to freak out. For the most part I've been very positive during this pregnancy, but all of the doubts and worries are starting to creep in. It doesn't really help that Eleanor is running out of space in there and isn't moving quite as much as she used to. I still feel her move every few hours (and thankfully I JUST felt her as I was writing this so I'm not in one of those "freak out" moods at the moment), but sometimes I wish I could just be permanently hooked up to a fetal monitor so I could have constant reassurance. At this point I've had 12 non-stress tests, so I seriously could give one to myself! Even the nurse at my OB's office agrees with me on that!
Physically I'm feeling pretty good at this point. Sure, I have a little backache, heartburn, and extremely swollen feet/ankles, but I really don't mind. I just wish I could get all of these worries out of my head and enjoy these last days of pregnancy. I am going to miss some of the fun stuff like watching my belly move around on its own!
7 comments:
I think you're feelings are so understandable. Maybe try to stay busy the next couple of days to keep your mind from wandering. You need to do one of your fabulous crafts or go to a movie (I'm wanting to go to a movie because it's so darn hot here!). I wish you were just a naive mama who could blissfully enjoy these last few days of pregnancy. I'm sorry you're having to have all these worries. Sending love and support to you! Can't wait to hear about Eleanor!
Totally understandable. You know too much about what could happen. You have come so far and are so close to the end, that it seems scary to think about losing it all now. I am thinking about you and Eleanor. You will be comforting a crying baby days from now!
I'm right there with ya girl! I was telling me OB that the closer I get, the more nervous/anxious I'm feeling.
It's like getting so close to the finish line, and then not making it. It's awful! I was more calm earlier in the pregnancy!
What helps me is to remind myself how many women are giving birth to healthy babies every second of the day! That and just keeping myself busy!
We really are going to be fine, and we're going to be welcoming our beautiful girls in such a short time!
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my second and even called the doctor over the weekend to go in on monday morning for reassurance. Instead I went into labor and had her that monday. You will be fine as will the baby, Eleanor will be here before you know it. I truly believe that if people say they don't believe in miracles they just need to think about childbirth. It is a true miracle every time it happens.
Your fears are completely understandable. I talk about you and Eleanor with my hubby and he is also on countdown for her arrival. You will be the first out of our group to meet your rainbow baby (gosh, it really seems like your pregnancy just flew by!!) and know that we all are praying for you and just as anxious to "meet" Eleanor.
I'm thinking of you this week as I know Ada's birthday is just a few days away. ((hugs))
Thinking of you as Ada's birthday approaches - big hugs :) (Check your email)
Praying and feeling with you, Beth and Hunter... Dave
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