Tonight I had a meeting at church. The lady who wasn't there last month because she was having her baby was back tonight...you guessed it, with the baby. And it's a cute, dark-haired girl.
Before she got there somebody else said that she was coming, and another person's response was "Oh! We'll have to pass that baby around the table!"
I pretended to go to the bathroom. I just had to go in there to cry for a couple of minutes.
Well, the baby was pretty quiet, and thankfully we did not pass her around. Still, everybody oooohed and aaahhed over her and made the meeting take twice as long as it should have. I got out of there as quickly as I could. I felt so lonely in that group.
Out of the 5 other people at the meeting, 3 of them know about Ada (including the new mom). They all sent me a card after we lost her. That's the last any of them have ever said to me about her. Do they think we've forgotten??? Did they not see the flowers at church that mentioned that her due date was yesterday? It was just so hard to be in that meeting tonight.
Before she got there somebody else said that she was coming, and another person's response was "Oh! We'll have to pass that baby around the table!"
I pretended to go to the bathroom. I just had to go in there to cry for a couple of minutes.
Well, the baby was pretty quiet, and thankfully we did not pass her around. Still, everybody oooohed and aaahhed over her and made the meeting take twice as long as it should have. I got out of there as quickly as I could. I felt so lonely in that group.
Out of the 5 other people at the meeting, 3 of them know about Ada (including the new mom). They all sent me a card after we lost her. That's the last any of them have ever said to me about her. Do they think we've forgotten??? Did they not see the flowers at church that mentioned that her due date was yesterday? It was just so hard to be in that meeting tonight.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry. That must have been so so hard...especially so close to when Ada should be in your arms. It is so unfair that you aren't going to be showing Ada off next month...and even worse...that you got condolence cards instead of a congratulations. =(
I'm so sorry too, Beth. I am sad, but also a bit outraged (well, you've seen my blog about anger ;-) so this seems like a good place for anger to go) that they weren't more sensitive to you. I'm sure they are scared or feel awkward, but if only they knew how much a simple acknowledgement of loss can do...it's no help, I know, but I am sure they were thinking of Ada. It's just too bad they didn't say that.
I tend to be of a "screw you" mindset (hope that doesn't offend) and talk about Malou and my pregnancy and her death a lot with others (not just friends, but also colleagues or relative strangers), and I don't worry if it upsets some people. I also have a picture of her on my desk at work. I have found that everyone has been extremely receptive and appreciative of when I say something, and admit that they don't know what to say or do (which is fine, it's just nice to know they are thinking of Malou).
Situations like that are so hard to deal with. I really don't think they've forgotten Ada, I think most people just don't know what to say. They think they're going to upset us by bringing it up, not knowing that they are constantly on our minds and the comfort it brings to hear someone else say their names. Not that that makes it any easier.
Kara
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