Today has been...odd. It's not exactly what I expected. I think it's mainly because I'm sleep-deprived.
Last night I stayed up late to watch the election results and Obama's speech. At 11:00 when they announced that he won, there was a picture of him up on the screen and it said "The 44th president of the United States of America." The magnitude of that moment hit me, and I actually got tears in my eyes. I was just so excited about seeing history being made and seeing that this country is going in a new direction. I always vote in every election (not just presidential elections), and this is the first time a person I've voted for has ever won. It felt so good.
Then, I began to cry much harder because I realized how much I wanted Ada to be born on election day. I know it's silly, and of course it would not have mattered if she came on a different date, but I was sad more because I realized that she would never witness this historic day. I will never get to tell her how history was made on (or close to) the day she was born.
A student let me borrow the third book in the series I've been reading yesterday, and I finished it this morning. Besides watching the news, that's pretty much all I've been doing since I left work yesterday. I haven't had time to stop and think about Ada. I haven't really let myself.
My husband and I both took today off. This morning we got up early to go to the beach and watch the sun rise like we did when we scattered her ashes. It was kind of chilly and not nearly as beautiful of a morning as that day in July. We were both pretty quiet, but we sat there talking about her for a while.
I hate seeing my husband cry. It always makes me feel like I've let him down in some way. Then again, I'm glad he's not one of those men who are afraid to cry or show emotion. I always know where Hunter stands.
Anyway, before we left the beach I wrote Ada's name in the sand. We both stood there watching it, waiting for the waves to wash it away. It seemed to take forever, and I was almost wondering if it wouldn't happen. Then, out of nowhere, a wave came up and, as Hunter said, "Just like that, it's gone. Sounds familiar."
Now, today of all days, I have to get ready for my 3 month checkup at my OB. I just really hope there are no very pregnant women in the waiting room.
Last night I stayed up late to watch the election results and Obama's speech. At 11:00 when they announced that he won, there was a picture of him up on the screen and it said "The 44th president of the United States of America." The magnitude of that moment hit me, and I actually got tears in my eyes. I was just so excited about seeing history being made and seeing that this country is going in a new direction. I always vote in every election (not just presidential elections), and this is the first time a person I've voted for has ever won. It felt so good.
Then, I began to cry much harder because I realized how much I wanted Ada to be born on election day. I know it's silly, and of course it would not have mattered if she came on a different date, but I was sad more because I realized that she would never witness this historic day. I will never get to tell her how history was made on (or close to) the day she was born.
A student let me borrow the third book in the series I've been reading yesterday, and I finished it this morning. Besides watching the news, that's pretty much all I've been doing since I left work yesterday. I haven't had time to stop and think about Ada. I haven't really let myself.
My husband and I both took today off. This morning we got up early to go to the beach and watch the sun rise like we did when we scattered her ashes. It was kind of chilly and not nearly as beautiful of a morning as that day in July. We were both pretty quiet, but we sat there talking about her for a while.
I hate seeing my husband cry. It always makes me feel like I've let him down in some way. Then again, I'm glad he's not one of those men who are afraid to cry or show emotion. I always know where Hunter stands.
Anyway, before we left the beach I wrote Ada's name in the sand. We both stood there watching it, waiting for the waves to wash it away. It seemed to take forever, and I was almost wondering if it wouldn't happen. Then, out of nowhere, a wave came up and, as Hunter said, "Just like that, it's gone. Sounds familiar."
Now, today of all days, I have to get ready for my 3 month checkup at my OB. I just really hope there are no very pregnant women in the waiting room.
4 comments:
I truly hope that today is peaceful for you.
Kara
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking of you today and send you ((hugs)). I hope today hasn't been too hard for you.
I have been thinking of you. I can't imagine the mixed emotions you must have been through. I was pretty emotional about history being made last night. It seems completely normal that you would want to share that with Ada and tell her about it in years to come. I'm so sorry you don't get that chance. Hugs.
I was thinking of you today, and I know it must be very bittersweet for you. Big hugs to you.
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