Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-3
Joy? Pure joy? That's not exactly what I would call what I'm feeling right now. To be honest, the first part of this verse almost makes me mad. How can I consider it joy that my daughter died? How could anybody possibly expect that of me?
BUT... I don't think that's what James is saying. I'm smart enough to understand that. This verse challenges me to look for the good that is coming out of this experience. In 50 years when I look back on all of the challenges that I faced in my life, I hope that I will feel some satisfaction when I think about how I came through everything and handled the obstacles in life.
"Mature and complete"...yes, I do feel like I've aged about 10 years over the last few months. I feel like I'm much wiser and much more compassionate than I was before. When I feel isolated, I think a lot about others who are isolated in our society. Who do I isolate? Who wishes that I cared about their problems, like I wish that more people would show me that they care about mine?
Still, I don't know why I had to go through this to grow in maturity. I still don't believe that God willed for Ada to die. I will never believe that. But this is the part that I struggle with...why didn't God intervene? I can only come to two conclusions.
1. God couldn't intervene. I don't mean to sound blasphemous, because I've always believed (and yes, I still do) that God can do anything. But I have to consider this option. Maybe when God set the world in motion with all of its natural laws (gravity, humans needing oxygen, etc.) he can't go back on those laws. Well, if that's the case, why do we ever pray for anything?
2. God could intervene but chose not to. Well, excuse my language here, but why the hell not? Either he doesn't care, which I certainly don't believe, or he does - but there's something greater going on than I can understand. And I guess that's the only reasonable conclusion that I can come to. But I don't like it.
BUT... I don't think that's what James is saying. I'm smart enough to understand that. This verse challenges me to look for the good that is coming out of this experience. In 50 years when I look back on all of the challenges that I faced in my life, I hope that I will feel some satisfaction when I think about how I came through everything and handled the obstacles in life.
"Mature and complete"...yes, I do feel like I've aged about 10 years over the last few months. I feel like I'm much wiser and much more compassionate than I was before. When I feel isolated, I think a lot about others who are isolated in our society. Who do I isolate? Who wishes that I cared about their problems, like I wish that more people would show me that they care about mine?
Still, I don't know why I had to go through this to grow in maturity. I still don't believe that God willed for Ada to die. I will never believe that. But this is the part that I struggle with...why didn't God intervene? I can only come to two conclusions.
1. God couldn't intervene. I don't mean to sound blasphemous, because I've always believed (and yes, I still do) that God can do anything. But I have to consider this option. Maybe when God set the world in motion with all of its natural laws (gravity, humans needing oxygen, etc.) he can't go back on those laws. Well, if that's the case, why do we ever pray for anything?
2. God could intervene but chose not to. Well, excuse my language here, but why the hell not? Either he doesn't care, which I certainly don't believe, or he does - but there's something greater going on than I can understand. And I guess that's the only reasonable conclusion that I can come to. But I don't like it.
2 comments:
It's so hard to understand, isn't it? There are no satisfying answers. So no advice, just commiseration.
I often ask myself those same questions. I have started to make peace with the fact that I will never know. I just have to trust that He knows what He's doing, even if I don't!
Kara
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