Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It's also breast cancer awareness month, and I've already noticed lots of pink ribbons around in preparation. I've been trying to figure out why it is that breast cancer awareness gets so much attention, yet I've never even heard of pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. I'm sure there are several good reasons, but I think that one of them is that breast cancer stories can be stories of hope and fighting the cancer. Sadly, I know they don't all end that way, but they can have happy endings. With miscarriages, stillbirths, or infant death though, there are no stories of hope - just incredible sadness. Nobody wants to think about that. I also thought maybe breast cancer affects more women, but I actually think it might be the other way around. That would be interesting to find out.

My mom had a miscarriage at about 13 weeks between my sister and my brother, and growing up she told me how it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Yet, even though this happened to my mother, I always thought it could never happen to me. Or at least, I thought that after I reached my second trimester and definitely after I reached 20 weeks. While I was pregnant my aunt and a lady that I met at a conference told me they had lost babies at 16 and 22 weeks respectively. I thought wow, that's horrible, and I did realize that it could happen to anybody, but I thought that certainly it wouldn't happen to me. I was doing everything right in my pregnancy, and in the ultrasounds Ada was perfectly healthy.

After losing the baby, I cannot even begin to tell you how many cards we got from people who had also had miscarriages. Most of them hadn't been as far along as Ada was, but that doesn't matter. This year I know three other people who have had miscarriages besides me, including one friend who has had two. Two this year. I have another friend who lost her sweet baby girl in August when she was 27 days old.

October is designated as a month to raise awareness, so that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not trying to make anybody feel sad, but just do be aware that seeing pregnant women and tiny babies isn't always happy for everybody - for some people it is a painful reminder of what was lost. (For me personally I've found that it's not that hard, but I know it is for most people in my shoes.) Answering the questions, "Do you have any children?" or "How many children do you have?" can be very difficult. I've been asked a few times since July if I have any children, and I just quickly say no and change the subject because I don't want to make the person feel bad. If you are pregnant, which I somehow have at least 5 friends who are, be grateful for every moment of it, even when you are physically having a hard time. Treasure every kick you feel from your baby. I am so happy for you and I cannot wait to see your new babies, but I also just want you to appreciate the gift that you have.

October 15 is designated as a day of remembrance, and I plan to wear a ribbon like the one pictured here. I bought some spools of ribbon on sale so I am going to have a lot of pink and blue ribbons. If you would like to wear a ribbon on the 15th, let me know and I will gladly get one to you. Don't feel like you have to though. Hunter is not going to wear one, because he says he doesn't need a ribbon to remember Ada, and I completely respect that. Still, I just want to remember her and all of the other babies that have been lost.